Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
