if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
