so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
