She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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