Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
