so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
