Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
