I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
