i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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