and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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