Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I won the penis lottery.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
