final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
foreskin is a definite game changer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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