Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
