dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
