Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
