I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
