Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
