Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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