That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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