You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
