The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
