Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
