hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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