I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
