I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
