evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I just sharted jello shots
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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