highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
