No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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