Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
