I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
