I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
