she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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