Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
