I'm really into asian looking animals
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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