I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You are the jesus of drinking
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
