dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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