Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
