So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
