i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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