I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
