Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
