HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have aggressive nipples.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
