I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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