Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
