yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
