the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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