Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
