Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
