Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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