the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
