FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
