fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
